You know you are from the Kootenays when………

(I came across this is an old email from Kim McCavenay. It is a variation on a theme – “You know you are in Saskatchewan when…….. “)

  • Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
  • You get angry when the only traffic light in town makes you 30 seconds late for work.
  • You measure distances in hours.
  • “Vacation” means a trip to Calgary.
  • You know lots of people have hit a deer more than once.
  • You often switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.
  • You use a down comforter in the summer.
  • Your grandparents drive at 65mph through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching.
  • You see people wearing hunting cloths at a social event.
  • You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
  • You think of major food groups as deer, fish and berries
  • You carry jumper cables in your car and your girl friends knows how to use them.
  • There are seven empty cars running in the parking lot of Canadian Tire at any given time.
  • You design your kid’s Halloween costume to go over their snow suits.
  • Driving is better in winter because the potholes are full of snow.
  • You think lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas.
  • You know all four seasons – winter, winter, still winter and construction season.
  • It takes you three hours to go to the store for one item even when you are in a rush because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town.

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And now for some humour ……

I could be wrong but I think that the TV series CORNER GAS it is a work of pure genius.  To prove the point here is an insert from the box set of the six seasons of the TV show that could only have come out of Canada.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN SASKATCHEWAN WHEN…….

  • Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor and combine crew on the highway.
  • “Going South” means driving to Montana.
  • Winnipeg is “back east”.
  • You often reply: “you bet!” or “hell yes”.
  • All the festivals across the province are named after fruits, vegetables, grain or testicles.
  • You’ve gotten a “To Go” drink from the local bar.
  • You’ve stopped by the local bar to cash a cheque.
  • You actually have enough ball caps to match every shirt you own, although you still insist on wearing only one so the others don’t get dirty.
  • The bank teller asks to see some proof of identification and you point to the arm patch on your slow-pitch jacket.
  • You know what “Cow Tipping”, “Garden Raiding” and “Snipe Hunting” is.
  • You design your kids Halloween costume to fit over a snow suit.
  • You’ve gone to the grocery store on a snowmobile.
  • Driving in winter is better because the potholes are filled with snow.
  • Driving in winter is often simply a matter of staying between the fence posts.
  • You’ve attempted to set new land speed records on Saskatchewan highways.
  • You carry a roll of toilet paper in the glove box in case you have to stop and go by the road.
  • You find yourself driving over the longest bridge over the shortest body of water.
  • You discover there are more grasshoppers than people in town.
  • Your radio antenna is an old cloths hanger or a piece of bailing wire.
  • You know what a Prairie Oyster is and how to cook them.
  • You know someone who has accidentally shot himself.
  • losing the sight of the horizon, for even a few seconds, leaves you with that icky feeling of disorientation for the rest of the day.
  • You rent off-season storage space for your snowmobile on a week-by-week basis.
  • You sort your laundry into three loads: greens, whites and green-and-whites.
  • Every birthday you receive exactly the present you most desperately need: a new curling broom.
  • You catch yourself “getting down” to the radio jingles for post-emergent broad-leaf weed control.

Ron Petrie – Saskatchewan Leader Post

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And just in case that isn’t enough here is Rick Mercer’s classic comment on the weather….

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Unwelcome House Guests

Have I told you this story? No? Well here it is. My encounter with a vicious ” wild beastie” in the jungles of British Columbia.

Mae (my wife) and I were watching TV when we heard a noise down by the front door. When I checked there was a cute Chipmunk perched on the jackets in the clothes rack by the door. He may have looked cute but there was a blood lust in those big cute eyes. We quickly closed all the internal house doors and opened the one to the outside. So, armed with a broom I organized myself to do battle. I tried knocking him off his perch but as each jacket fell to the floor he skipped back onto the one behind  until finally there was only one last jacket left. I thought it would then be an easy case of knocking him off that last jacket onto the floor and he would then scramble out the door. Not so. The “wee beastie” decided to make a fight of it. As I poked him he leaped off the last jacket, onto the broom and up the handle, over my face, lacerating my nose, then he made a mighty leap to the underside of the stairs. From there  I did manage to knock him onto the floor and then out the door. Although I was the victor he had extracted his vengeance. He left me with a face full of scratches and blood dripping on to the floor. I did manage to get the last laugh by trapping him a couple of days later and taking him up the road for be released into the wild. However, my last laugh may have been short lived. I got back to the house and I swear to God he beat me home. At least I thought it was him. Well it turned out it actually was two of his buddies or his extended family. They have been trying to move into the house ever since. So far they have managed to elude the trap and the battle continues. I WILL WIN THIS BATTLE. Hopefully without further blood shed……….. Rod Wilson

704. Tom and Jerri  706. Tom and Jerri710. Tom and Jerri

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